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Showing posts from July, 2011

Good Morning Beautiful

When Meg and I were in college I used to make her mix CDs of romantic songs. One of my favorite songs was "Good Morning Beautiful." (I used to say it every morning!)

It's a country song (which I'm not usually a fan of) but the lyrics are great..."Good morning, beautiful. How was your night? Mine was wonderful with you by my side. And when I open my eyes and see you sweet face, it's a good morning beautiful day."

As I lie here in bed and look over at my very sleepy wife (she NEVER sleeps this late...I actually had to make sure she was breathing), I can think of nowhere else I'd rather be.

I wanted to take a moment to truly express how fortunate I am to have her. Megan is absolutely amazing. She is supportive, caring, intelligent, funny, and an amazing friend. She's absolutely gorgeous. When she smiles or laughs her eyes sparkle. After 8 years it still takes my breath away.

I think about all the obstacles life has put in our way and while they wer…


With a 3 day weekend on the horizon and 5 days left before we head back to the doctors, things are definitely looking up for Megan and I. We're both within 5 lbs of where we want to be weight-wise and our biggest problem is deciding how we want to spend our day off tomorrow...

So far, we're toying with the beach, the art museum, the movies, fireworks (but that's not until night time), hanging out with friends. The possibilities are endless!

Regardless of what we end up doing, I'm determined to enjoy our time together before we start stressing about the two week wait.

Meg and I just tried this recipe the other day. I highly recommend it!!!

Caprese Sandwich
1 crusty baguette
4-5 fresh basil leaves (can add more if you want)
1 fresh tomato (sliced)
2-3 slices of fresh mozzarella cheese
olive oil balsamic vinegar
salt and fresh ground pepper to taste

Cut bread in half. Layer sliced tomatoes, sliced cheese, and basil leaves. Drizzle with olive oil and balsamic vinega…

Signed, Sealed, Delivered

Our sperm is expected to arrive at the doctors within the next couple of hours (according to the fed ex tracking number) RMA will sign off on it and call Meg upon receipt, thereby bringing us one step closer to insemination day. With a little luck our lives will be forever changed. (Fingers crossed)

Focusing our energy on eating right and exercising has helped to take our mind off of things (ah, who am I kidding..we're still counting down the days!!) As of this morning we're both down 2+ pounds (give or take) so obviously we're doing something right. I think we might even go for a swim tonight!!!

Alas, the moment you've been waiting is one of our favorite snack recipes...

Stuffed Dates
2-3 Fresh Medjool dates (per person)
1-2 tablespoons of peanut butter (we use Peanut Butter and Co's The Bee's Knees)
1/4 cup of oats

Slice the dates down the center and remove the pit. Stuff each date with peanut butter. Sprinkle with oats. Enjoy!

(You can al…

Off to a good start

Last night Meg and I met my dad at the Nissan dealership. Dad did all the haggling and Meg was there to provide a play by play to my mom (via text messages) and to remind me to breathe (she's awesome like that!). 3 hours later and I finally had the keys in my hand. Of course, the salesman wouldn't let us leave until he gave us a rundown of the car's features, programmed the navigation system and connected my phone to the bluetooth (I was going to kill him, but Meg told me to relax!)
On the way home I couldn't help but look at Meg and smile. We bought the perfect car for our future (2011 Nissan Sentra 2.0 SR Special Edition)
I can just imagine the car seat in the back...Perhaps this is an omen of good things to come!!!

Aside from the car, another positive of spending the night at the dealership was that it helped Meg and I not to snack. With each of us down a pound this morning, I'd say our week is definitely off to a good start!
How did you like the oatmeal? Meg made i…

Getting Back On Track

Two years ago, in anticipation of pregnancy (and to improve the quality of our lives), Meg and I got into the habit of eating healthy meals and snacks each day. We switched to a strict organic diet (inspired from my sulfite-preservative allergy), cut out caffeine, and reduced our intake of saturated fats (fried foods, cakes, chips, pastries, etc..)

We took the dogs for daily walks, went for hikes in the park, and led an active life without obsessing about "exercising." (Together we lost 125 lbs!!!) More importantly, we felt great and my allergies were under control (I was even able to lower my anti-seizure medicine!!! But, we'll save that discussion for another day!)

Recently, whether it be the stress of ttc or just the fact that it's summer, we've slacked off...a lot! While we've still managed to eat organically, we've both gained almost 10 lbs. Our diet went from healthy (planned out) meals to take out (thin crust pizza...there aren't a lot of place…

"You Gotta Keep Your Head Up"

If you read my post about dancing to "This Will Be" you probably won't be surprised to learn that I relate every aspect of my life to music (and sometimes to movies). I wake up singing random songs (can't emphasize random enough!!!) Even worse, when someone says something that reminds me of a song, I break out in tune. I suppose this would be as good a time as any to tell you that I CAN'T sing. (Funny fact-my mom encouraged me to play the saxophone because I couldn't play and sing at the same time!!!)

Oh, I should also tell you that I never really know the words (I just kind of make them up) and Meg makes fun of me for it. If you're familiar with the song "Come to My Window" by Melissa Etheridge, you know the chorus as, "Come to my window. Crawl inside. Wait by the light of the moon.." Well, for the longest time I thought it said, "Come to my window. Crawl inside. Wait by the light up on the roof." Whoops...

Anyway, back to t…

Odds Are, We'll win...(Eventually)

After we got news of our second negative beta we started toying with the idea of switching donors (and sperm banks). We had to blame something/ was the only thing to ease our frustration; however, we've decided to give our guy another shot (unless the doctor advises otherwise)

I did some research and talked to some wise people on babycenter and it seems as though our donor's numbers are where they need to be. With only a 5-20% of getting pregnant, the odds are stacked against us. The odds don't change from cycle to cycle, but we're trying to focus our energy on the fact that we will eventually win the game (hopefully sooner than later).

AF made her appearance shortly after we got the call yesterday, so we're back in business. We go back to the doctors tomorrow morning for the next set of ultrasounds and blood work.

I'm interested to hear what he has to say, but if I had to guess, he'll most likely make a witty remark about us being nice lesbians…

A New Donor??

When we initially chose a donor, we chose someone without prior pregnancies. It wasn't the reason we chose him, but (as dumb as it might sound) we weren't sure how we felt about our child having brothers and sisters out in the world. 
So yea, now we're here, back at square one and we can't help but think the sperm is the problem. 
Before our last IUI, the doctor told us that the sample had 50 million sperm with 40% motility. I read that anything less than 60% is low motility, but I don't know how that equates to frozen specimen. No worries, I'm going to do some research...
After about our 6th negative HPT, I started going onto CCB's (California Cryobank) site and looking for other donors. I couldn't find one.
I then stumbled on to Fairfax Cryobank's website. At Fairfax, the have a face-matching program where you can upload a picture of yourself and it will generate a list of donors with similar features. It's far from an exact science (I uploaded di…

Another Failed Attempt

We officially have another failed IUI under our belts. I thought the first negative beta was hard to swallow, but today's results....well, they just about crushed us. Fortunately, I had taken lunch up to Meg's work and was with her when the doctor called. My heart was beating so fast that I could barely stand to eavesdrop. And just like that, I heard Meg say, "Ok, thanks for calling," and I knew it was over. Being together helped soften the blow, but we have yet to really process the news (Meg is still at work until 4:30).
You would think that after 7 negative HPTs we would have given up hope and embraced the idea of trying again in August. Instead, we clung to the stories of other women. If they tested positive on day 14, why couldn't we? 
It's so frustrating! We don't know why the last two IUI's have failed. We know Meg has ovulated naturally and physically everything looks great. So, either the timing is off (very unlikely seeing that the doctors bro…

Come What May

Today marks 13dpiui and I officially had my first emotional breakdown. I don't know what happened. I just exploded (if I didn't know better, I would have thought I was pregnant)

The morning started off fine. Shortly after 5am Meg woke up and asked if she could take the pregnancy test (she really had to go to the bathroom) We took the dogs out and waited to see if two lines would appear. Sadly, there was only one. We went back to sleep for an hour, but I couldn't shut my mind off. 
Naturally, I couldn't help but think that it was still too early and that maybe Meg just hadn't produced enough Hcg for the test to detect. I must have looked at the test strip at least 5 times (after throwing it away) Reality started to set in...
It didn't work. I started to think that the odds of us getting a positive on tomorrows blood test are about as good as me winning the lottery (when I don't buy a ticket). I'm not proud to admit this, but this prompted me to provoke an a…

Hopefully Pessimistic

Today is day 12 and you've guessed it...another BFN. I don't know what to think anymore. I actually thought this time was different. Not because Meg had all of the pregnancy "symptoms," but because she didn't. 
When you want something so bad, it's only natural to exaggerate every feeling you have/think you have. The tww really messes with your head, but I can honestly say that there was never a time where I thought Meg could be making it up. 
The "symptoms" she had were legit (things you could see and couldn't fabricate-mainly talking about the CM, here) I know it's not over until she gets AF, but it's so hard to stay positive.
The truth is, I would do anything to make that test come back positive (I'm sure Megan would too) but there's nothing we can do...except wait.
Megan is being cautiously optimistic. I've decided to take the stance of a hopeful pessimist. Call it what you want. We're both trying to protect ourselves from…

Not So Crabby

Despite getting another BFN (big fat negative) this morning, Meg and I were able to enjoy today's crabbing trip.

We packed lunches and drove to Belmar, NJ with my Papa, my cousin Lauren and her friend, Seamus. We boarded the boat a little after 11:30 and didn't get home until after 5!

Meg was a little apprehensive (she was worried she would get seasick), but she did great. She had such a great time. She even put the bait on her own lines (gross, right?) and caught about 20 of the 30 crabs!!! (beginners luck!)

We took a boat ride on the ocean. I almost died (not really, but I did wipe out and fall to the bottom of the boat...twice!) Meg couldn't stop laughing.

Papa threw down the anchor so we could all go for a swim. Naturally, I freaked out (it was really shallow and I didn't want to touch the bottom!!!) BUT, it was fun.

We crabbed some more before heading home. Meg was netting crabs left and right and the all of the sudden I heard something. I turned around and she wa…


Meg took a pregnancy test last night and it was negative. I wasn't surprised. It would have been really early to test positive (though it does happen for some lucky people).

Surprisingly Meg handled it well. We went out with friends to see Harry Potter (it was phenomenal!) We didn't get home until after 3, so we both decided that it wasn't worth testing again this morning. We agreed to hold off until tomorrow. I don't know why, but I have a feeling that she will still test negative (I hope I'm wrong)

The belly ache/pain is gone. She took some tylenol last night and it seemed to do the trick. I'm not sure what that means.

She's resting now and doesn't seem to be complaining of any "symptoms." Go figure. It's 9dpiui and we are absolutely clueless. I mean at least last time we had symptoms (from the progesterone) to make us think she was pregnant.

Still crossing our fingers...

If My Life Were A Movie...

If my life were a movie Meg and I would already be dancing to "This Will Be.." (while staring at a positive pregnancy test).

Don't judge. I know what you're thinking. You're probably saying, "Really? That's what your movie would be? Kind of lame, Jen."

But the truth is that ever since Meg and I got together I've dreamt that our moment would be like Ellen's and Sharon Stone's in If These Walls Could Talk 2.You know, the kind of moment where you're filled with so much joy that you don't know whether you should laugh or cry (or just dance!)

It's 8dpiui and Meg and I find ourselves getting closer and closer to taking a pregnancy test and I am absolutely terrified. Life isn't a movie. There are no guarantees. We've justified every "symptom" and the stomach pain that Meg has felt for the last three days could be just indigestion or a virus. We just don't know.

There's a part of me that thinks this is it, b…

What People Don't Tell You About the TWW

Today is 7dpiui (7 days post IUI) which means we're half way through the two week wait!

There are tons of ideas on the internet about how to survive the two week wait. You can: write in a journal (or blog), go to the movies, shop, go out to dinner, hang out with friends, clean, brainstorm baby names, garden, take the dogs for walks, read, etc. The goal is to find something you enjoy that will keep you busy (and sane).

While these activities make it sound as though the TWW is a joyous time, the truth is that the TWW is post ovulation limbo. It's hell. You try to tell yourself not to think about it, but it's useless. (consciously ignoring it actually forces you to think about it MORE!)

If you're like me, you'll assume the role of obsessor, analyzer, researcher, and comedian. You'll spend 90% of your free time googling cervical mucus, implantation bleeding, and signs of early pregnancy. The other 10% will be spent questioning your partner about how she is feeling …

Fight or Flight

While driving Meg to work this morning Meg and I got into a heated conversation (she claimed we were fighting, but I beg to differ).

Anyhow, this is my attempt to recreate the conversation...LOL, I'm still laughing!

Me: You know how people take pictures of their bellies when they're pregnant and post them on facebook?

Meg: Yea?

Me: It's weird when they take pictures before they're even showing

Meg: (silent)

Me: What are you thinking?

Meg: I'm thinking that I don't want to do that

Me: Why?

Meg: Because it's none of their business. Our friends will see my belly in person

Me: Why wouldn't you want people to see it? Are you afraid of people finding out you're pregnant? Because they will find out!

Meg: No. It's just that our society revolves around technology and if they're our friends then we will hang out. People are too busy texting and using facebook that they don't even pick up the phone anymore. I don't want to be like that.

Me: Okay…

To be or not to be (pregnant)

Today is 5dpiui (5 days post IUI) and we're starting to notice "symptoms." It's exciting because I finally have something to write about, BUT we've been through this once before, so we're not getting excited. Instead, I'm going to attempt to rationalize each "symptom" in hopes of preserving my sanity (and Meg's too!)

5. Tired- We spent the weekend at the beach and stayed up late (This means nothing!)

4. Mood swings/irritable-I may have said PMS="putting up with Megan's shit." LOL, I thought it was clever. I then continued to instigate her. She clearly asked me not to touch her and I made up reasons in the grocery store to touch her back, shoulder, arm, etc. (Totally my fault!)

3. Stomach pains/ gassy-This could be a result of eating gelato before bed

2. Empty stomach feeling- She claimed that the rotisserie chicken had a "weird consistency" so she didn't eat all of it on top of her salad (She's obviously still…

Marathon, anyone???

We're 4 days post IUI today and still have nothing to report, so I figured I should tell you about how we're passing the time.

Today we went to the Plymouth Meeting Mall and did some shopping. We even stopped to take pictures at one of those photo booths. We then had lunch at Whole Foods with an old friend and my god-daughter. It was great! (laughing helped take our minds off of the TWW!)

When we finished eating Meg and I did some grocery shopping. We bought fresh pasta (stuffed rigatoni) and sauce (marinara-for Meg, vodka- for me) and garlic bread. We're going to make dinner together tomorrow night!

As for the rest of today, I think we have our hands full with the Harry Potter Marathon on TV! We can't wait to see the midnight movie this Thursday!

Secretly obsessing...

We're two days post insemination (2dpiui) and have nothing fun to report (This is probably a good thing seeing that last time we experienced every "symptom" under the sun)

Meg did say she had a few cramps here and there (but only after reading other blogs and really thinking about it) Overall, she is feeling great.

We've been trying to keep busy. We've pretty much managed to schedule something for every day/night of our two week wait.

Today we went to the beach. The ocean was filled with jelly fish. Naturally, I freaked out! I got pounded by giant waves and complained about becoming a human crouton in the seaweed salad. I even wrapped my arms around Meg's belly, so as to float on top of the water and not get pinched by crabs...don't was scary!

As much as I promised that I wouldn't do it, I'm secretly starting to obsess.  I keep asking Meg how she is feeling (secretly hoping she will tell me a "symptom" that I can go research).


I found a site that might be useful to those of you whom are trying to conceive, thinking about conceiving, or are interested in what the process entails (for future reference).

I even figured out how to link this blog to my baby center profile (getting pretty savvy, right?)


GLBT Fertility (baby center)

We could have been famous!

Meg and I started watching the Real L Word Season 2 last night. The show follows a group of successful, attractive Los Angeles lesbians. Two of which, Kacy & Cori, are trying to conceive. Kacy & Cori have been together for 5 years, and legally married for two. The first episode portrays the girls charting Cori's ovulation and contacting an old friend as a potential sperm donor. Inevitably the two are disappointed when he retracts his offer. The season will continue to follow Kacy & Cori as they search for a donor, a doctor, a lawyer, and plan for insemination.

We're really excited to watch, but Meg can't hold back her emotions as the couple has stolen our mojo! We should have been on that show!

I guess we'll just have to settle for the fame and fortune obtained from this blog. lol.

Sidenote, Meg had less cramping yesterday and feels great this morning!

Here is a picture of Cori & Kacy...(The Real L Word Season 2 airs on Sundays at 10:00pm on Showtime)

Insemination Day: Take Two

When we first arrived, Meg signed in. A few minutes later, the nurse called Megan's name and asked if she was having an IUI. She asked if our sample was in the office. (I started to freak out.) We told her it was shipped and she went back to check. She came back a minute later and said it was thawing. What a relief!!!

We waited in the waiting room for roughly 30 minutes. We were focused on our brain puzzle book, so it went by quickly!!! When we were finally called back to the room, I took pictures and Meg assumed her position on the table. I kept saying, "This is it. Don't get scared now" (from Home Alone) and Meg threatened to kill me! LOL!

The doctor came in and said our guy's sperm count looked fantastic (I asked if they said that to everyone. Turns out, they don't!) A sperm count between 20-30 million is typically ideal, while a poor sample would be less than 20 million and 10% motility. Our donor's count was 50 million and 40% motility!!! 50 million …

Sticky Thoughts...

We're almost ready to leave for the doctors.  Meg is feeling nervous (about the doctor inserting the speculum not about potentially getting pregnant). I told her she just needs to squeeze my hand and breathe. Hopefully the doctor will help her relax. The last thing I want is to visit the ER for a broken finger!

I feel more calm this time around. Actually, I'd go so far as to say I'm not nervous at all.

I have a good feeling. This cycle has shaped up to be as perfect as we could have ever dreamt it to be. There is nothing left to do except hope that one of our donor's swimmers fights hard enough to stick to the egg and implant.

Meg and I have vowed not to be as obsessed during this two week wait. We're going to try to stay busy and make plans with as many friends as possible. Anyone want to volunteer to help keep us sane???

Well, it's about that time...cross your fingers, toes, eyes, legs, arms and send sticky thoughts our way!!!!

Game Time

The doctor just called. Turns out I was right!!! Meg's estrogen was 255 and we inseminate tomorrow!!! It's game time, baby! (and we always play to win!)

Our appointment is at 7:30. We are traveling to the Willow Grove office so that Dr. Castelbaum (the doctor who said we are anomalies for lesbian patients!!!) can perform the procedure. We won't inseminate until after 8 because we will have to wait 30 minutes for the sperm to thaw and wake up.

During this time Meg and I will solve brain puzzles (they're hidden pictures!) as to reduce my urge to pace like a caged lion.

Wish us luck!!!!!

To Win the Game...

Meg and I went back to the doctor today (Day 13 of Meg's cycle). The doctor told us last cycle that in order to "win the game" Meg would need to have a uterine lining higher than 7, an egg larger than 20mm, and an estrogen level above 200.

Needless to say, we were hoping for a big egg and some signs of ovulation.

I had butterflies sitting in the waiting room. It seems like it took forever to get back to this point. Meg said it went fast. I think it's just because she controls her anxiety better than I do. (I was dancing to "This is how we do it" by Montell Jordan while she was getting her blood drawn.)

Seriously though, we were both hoping that we didn't have a repeat of last cycle where we had to go back and forth to the doctors anxiously awaiting the arrival of ovulation.

By the looks of it, it doesn't seem like that will be the case. Meg's uterine lining was at 14. Her egg was 22mm. We're still waiting on the estrogen levels, but it's…