Saturday, July 30, 2011

Good Morning Beautiful

When Meg and I were in college I used to make her mix CDs of romantic songs. One of my favorite songs was "Good Morning Beautiful." (I used to say it every morning!)

It's a country song (which I'm not usually a fan of) but the lyrics are great..."Good morning, beautiful. How was your night? Mine was wonderful with you by my side. And when I open my eyes and see you sweet face, it's a good morning beautiful day."

As I lie here in bed and look over at my very sleepy wife (she NEVER sleeps this late...I actually had to make sure she was breathing), I can think of nowhere else I'd rather be.

I wanted to take a moment to truly express how fortunate I am to have her. Megan is absolutely amazing. She is supportive, caring, intelligent, funny, and an amazing friend. She's absolutely gorgeous. When she smiles or laughs her eyes sparkle. After 8 years it still takes my breath away.

I think about all the obstacles life has put in our way and while they were extremely difficult to get through, I know that they were to prepare us for this journey. Our relationship is stronger than ever and I'm confident that even if we get another BFN, our time will eventually come.

I cannot wait to see the day that Megan holds our baby in her arms. She's going to be an amazing mother. Until then, I'll settle for my typical Saturday morning with Heineken cuddling under her arms and Bailey sitting by her feet.

It's going to be a good morning, beautiful day!

Today's recipe calls for breakfast in bed...

Overnight Bananas Foster French Toast (sounds really unhealthy, but it's a weight watches recipe!)
servings-8; serving size-1 slice with bananas; Points- 6+

cooking spray
10 oz. challah bread (any bread will work provided that it's thick)
2 large eggs
1 cup egg substitute
1-1/2 cups skim milk
1-1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 cup agave or sugar
1/4 tsp salt

Banana Topping

1 tbsp light butter
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp cinnamon
4 medium RIPE bananas (sliced)

Directions

Spray a 13 x 9 in baking dish with cooking spray. Arrange bread slices in one layer (you might have to squeeze them to fit).

In a large bowl, whisk together eggs, egg substitute, milk, vanilla, 1/2 tsp cinnamon, sugar, and salt until combined well. Poor evenly over bread.

Cover and refrigerate for at least 8 hours or overnight for best results.
Preheat over to 350 degrees. Bake uncovered for 40-45 minutes (until puffed and the edges are pale golden)

Meanwhile while it's baking, in a large deep sauté pan melt light butter over low heat.Add brown sugar, cinnamon, vanilla and stir until sugar is dissolved. Add a few drops of water if needed and let sauce simmer about 2 minutes. Add sliced bananas and remove from heat. Keep covered until french toast comes out of the oven.

When french toast is cooked, divide among 8 plates and top with bananas. Enjoy!!



Thursday, July 28, 2011

possibilities

With a 3 day weekend on the horizon and 5 days left before we head back to the doctors, things are definitely looking up for Megan and I. We're both within 5 lbs of where we want to be weight-wise and our biggest problem is deciding how we want to spend our day off tomorrow...

So far, we're toying with the beach, the art museum, the movies, fireworks (but that's not until night time), hanging out with friends. The possibilities are endless!

Regardless of what we end up doing, I'm determined to enjoy our time together before we start stressing about the two week wait.

Meg and I just tried this recipe the other day. I highly recommend it!!!


Caprese Sandwich
1 crusty baguette
4-5 fresh basil leaves (can add more if you want)
1 fresh tomato (sliced)
2-3 slices of fresh mozzarella cheese
olive oil
balsamic vinegar
salt and fresh ground pepper to taste

Directions
Cut bread in half. Layer sliced tomatoes, sliced cheese, and basil leaves. Drizzle with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Sprinkle with salt and pepper to taste.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Signed, Sealed, Delivered

Our sperm is expected to arrive at the doctors within the next couple of hours (according to the fed ex tracking number) RMA will sign off on it and call Meg upon receipt, thereby bringing us one step closer to insemination day. With a little luck our lives will be forever changed. (Fingers crossed)

Focusing our energy on eating right and exercising has helped to take our mind off of things (ah, who am I kidding..we're still counting down the days!!) As of this morning we're both down 2+ pounds (give or take) so obviously we're doing something right. I think we might even go for a swim tonight!!!

Alas, the moment you've been waiting for...here is one of our favorite snack recipes...

Stuffed Dates
2-3 Fresh Medjool dates (per person)
1-2 tablespoons of peanut butter (we use Peanut Butter and Co's The Bee's Knees)
1/4 cup of oats

Directions
Slice the dates down the center and remove the pit. Stuff each date with peanut butter. Sprinkle with oats. Enjoy!

(You can also stuff them with cream cheese to change them up a bit!)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Off to a good start

Last night Meg and I met my dad at the Nissan dealership. Dad did all the haggling and Meg was there to provide a play by play to my mom (via text messages) and to remind me to breathe (she's awesome like that!). 3 hours later and I finally had the keys in my hand. Of course, the salesman wouldn't let us leave until he gave us a rundown of the car's features, programmed the navigation system and connected my phone to the bluetooth (I was going to kill him, but Meg told me to relax!)

On the way home I couldn't help but look at Meg and smile. We bought the perfect car for our future (2011 Nissan Sentra 2.0 SR Special Edition)

I can just imagine the car seat in the back...Perhaps this is an omen of good things to come!!!












Aside from the car, another positive of spending the night at the dealership was that it helped Meg and I not to snack. With each of us down a pound this morning, I'd say our week is definitely off to a good start!

How did you like the oatmeal? Meg made it this morning for breakfast. It was so good yesterday that I requested it again! 

Today's recipe is another one of our favorites...(We're making it for lunch tomorrow) 

Roasted Vegetable Pizza
2 cups broccoli florets
1 large red bell pepper (sliced)
1 large Portobello mushroom (sliced)
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon of olive oil (can use more or less depending on the amount of veggies you use)
5 ounces organic baby spinach
2 whole grain tortillas/wraps
1/2 cup pasta sauce
2 ounces shredded soy cheese or skim-milk cheese (We use daiya cheese...it's amazing!!!)

Directions
Preheat oven to 400 degrees

Toss broccoli, bell peppers, and mushrooms with garlic powder,olive oil, and salt. Roast vegetables on a cookie sheet for 30 minutes, turning occasionally and mounting to keep from drying out (We saute them for a few minutes instead) Add spinach. Cook until just wilted.

Spread a thin layer of pasta sauce on tortilla, sprinkle soy cheese, and distribute roasted vegetables evenly on top.

Bake until cheese is melted and tortilla is lightly brown around edges (we like to put the tortilla in for a few minutes while the vegetables are roasting. It gives it more of a crunch!)

YUM!!!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Getting Back On Track

Two years ago, in anticipation of pregnancy (and to improve the quality of our lives), Meg and I got into the habit of eating healthy meals and snacks each day. We switched to a strict organic diet (inspired from my sulfite-preservative allergy), cut out caffeine, and reduced our intake of saturated fats (fried foods, cakes, chips, pastries, etc..)

We took the dogs for daily walks, went for hikes in the park, and led an active life without obsessing about "exercising." (Together we lost 125 lbs!!!) More importantly, we felt great and my allergies were under control (I was even able to lower my anti-seizure medicine!!! But, we'll save that discussion for another day!)

Recently, whether it be the stress of ttc or just the fact that it's summer, we've slacked off...a lot! While we've still managed to eat organically, we've both gained almost 10 lbs. Our diet went from healthy (planned out) meals to take out (thin crust pizza...there aren't a lot of places that serve organic food!!!) and junk food (iced coffee, chocolate, chips, cupcakes, etc) Ugh!

Believe me, we understand that it's normal for weight to fluctuate, but when you start feeling lethargic, you know things are getting out of hand. (It's crazy how much food can affect you!!!)

To get back on track, Meg and I decided we should plan out our meals (and snacks) for the days leading up to our next insemination (our sperm was shipped today!!!).

So, without further ado, I thought it would be fun to feature a recipe each day (at least until we have pregnancy related issues to report!!!)

CINNAMON FRUIT OATMEAL
1 cup water
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 cup old fashioned rolled oats
1/2 cup blueberries (we don't use these because I'm allergic!)
2 apples, chopped (we only use 1)
2 tablespoons chopped walnuts (while they taste great, I'm also allergic to these and they irritate Meg's stomach, so we leave these out as well)
1 tablespoon ground flax sees (optional)
1/4 cup raisins

Directions
In a saucepan, combine water with the vanilla and cinnamon. Bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce the heat to a simmer and stir in the oats.

When the mixture starts to simmer, add the blueberries. Remove from heat when blueberries are heated through.

Cover and let stand for 15 minutes until thick and creamy.

Mix in apples, nuts, flax seeds, and raisins (if desired)

Enjoy!!

Saturday, July 23, 2011

"You Gotta Keep Your Head Up"

If you read my post about dancing to "This Will Be" you probably won't be surprised to learn that I relate every aspect of my life to music (and sometimes to movies). I wake up singing random songs (can't emphasize random enough!!!) Even worse, when someone says something that reminds me of a song, I break out in tune. I suppose this would be as good a time as any to tell you that I CAN'T sing. (Funny fact-my mom encouraged me to play the saxophone because I couldn't play and sing at the same time!!!)

Oh, I should also tell you that I never really know the words (I just kind of make them up) and Meg makes fun of me for it. If you're familiar with the song "Come to My Window" by Melissa Etheridge, you know the chorus as, "Come to my window. Crawl inside. Wait by the light of the moon.." Well, for the longest time I thought it said, "Come to my window. Crawl inside. Wait by the light up on the roof." Whoops...

Anyway, back to the point I was originally trying to make...Yesterday, Meg and I heard a song on the radio called, "Keep Your Head Up" by Andy Grammer (I actually heard it once or twice before, but didn't really make any connections to it). The lyrics go:

I know it's hard, know it's hard
to remember sometimes
but you gotta keep your head up, oh,
and you can let your hair down, eh...

It is now our official theme song!

Meg and I were really discouraged after our second failed IUI, so it was nice to see our doctor yesterday and hear him say that Meg's last cycle was perfect and that "humans just aren't reliable at reproduction." He even told us that cows have an 85% success rate and don't need fertility doctors. Wouldn't that be nice???

The doctor seemed genuinely surprised to see us and actually said he thought it worked. He read Meg's chart and had them run another beta just to be sure (it was negative). He did an ultrasound and said that everything looked great. Her blood tests came back with her estrogen at 30 and her progesterone at 0.2 (I'm not really sure what that means, but apparently it's where her levels should be at this point in her cycle, so we'll take it)

We go back in for our next appointment on August 2nd and should inseminate again shortly after.

So, in the words of my friend, Mr. Grammer, Meg and I just need to keep our heads up and live our lives (and relax) and know that our time will come.














We went to the mall after the doctor's.














I saw my second love...





















Meg baked chocolate chip banana bread..yum!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Odds Are, We'll win...(Eventually)

After we got news of our second negative beta we started toying with the idea of switching donors (and sperm banks). We had to blame something/someone...it was the only thing to ease our frustration; however, we've decided to give our guy another shot (unless the doctor advises otherwise)

I did some research and talked to some wise people on babycenter and it seems as though our donor's numbers are where they need to be. With only a 5-20% of getting pregnant, the odds are stacked against us. The odds don't change from cycle to cycle, but we're trying to focus our energy on the fact that we will eventually win the game (hopefully sooner than later).

AF made her appearance shortly after we got the call yesterday, so we're back in business. We go back to the doctors tomorrow morning for the next set of ultrasounds and blood work.

I'm interested to hear what he has to say, but if I had to guess, he'll most likely make a witty remark about us being nice lesbians and say that it's just a matter of time. (He's very truthful!)

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

A New Donor??

When we initially chose a donor, we chose someone without prior pregnancies. It wasn't the reason we chose him, but (as dumb as it might sound) we weren't sure how we felt about our child having brothers and sisters out in the world. 

So yea, now we're here, back at square one and we can't help but think the sperm is the problem. 

Before our last IUI, the doctor told us that the sample had 50 million sperm with 40% motility. I read that anything less than 60% is low motility, but I don't know how that equates to frozen specimen. No worries, I'm going to do some research...

After about our 6th negative HPT, I started going onto CCB's (California Cryobank) site and looking for other donors. I couldn't find one.

I then stumbled on to Fairfax Cryobank's website. At Fairfax, the have a face-matching program where you can upload a picture of yourself and it will generate a list of donors with similar features. It's far from an exact science (I uploaded different pictures and would receive different results). But, for the most part, the same matches continued to come up. 

Our CCB donor looks nothing like me. He has dark brown eyes and brown hair. He's Scottish and Welsh. The Fairfax replacement donor has blue eyes, and blonde, wavy hair. He's a mix of German, Czechoslavakian, Irish, and I believe, English. He has a big smile which makes his eyes squint (sound familiar?) and a great personality. Oh, and best of all, he has reported pregnancies. 

I can't say that I like him anymore than our original donor, but I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Perhaps we were meant to choose a donor that resembles me, so that when people say "he has your smile," we can say "yea, he kind of does." 

Hey, third time's a charm, right?!?

Another Failed Attempt

We officially have another failed IUI under our belts. I thought the first negative beta was hard to swallow, but today's results....well, they just about crushed us. Fortunately, I had taken lunch up to Meg's work and was with her when the doctor called. My heart was beating so fast that I could barely stand to eavesdrop. And just like that, I heard Meg say, "Ok, thanks for calling," and I knew it was over. Being together helped soften the blow, but we have yet to really process the news (Meg is still at work until 4:30).

You would think that after 7 negative HPTs we would have given up hope and embraced the idea of trying again in August. Instead, we clung to the stories of other women. If they tested positive on day 14, why couldn't we? 

It's so frustrating! We don't know why the last two IUI's have failed. We know Meg has ovulated naturally and physically everything looks great. So, either the timing is off (very unlikely seeing that the doctors brought her in less than 24 hours after her LH surge) or there is a problem with the sperm. 

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Come What May

Today marks 13dpiui and I officially had my first emotional breakdown. I don't know what happened. I just exploded (if I didn't know better, I would have thought I was pregnant)

The morning started off fine. Shortly after 5am Meg woke up and asked if she could take the pregnancy test (she really had to go to the bathroom) We took the dogs out and waited to see if two lines would appear. Sadly, there was only one. We went back to sleep for an hour, but I couldn't shut my mind off. 

Naturally, I couldn't help but think that it was still too early and that maybe Meg just hadn't produced enough Hcg for the test to detect. I must have looked at the test strip at least 5 times (after throwing it away) Reality started to set in...

It didn't work. I started to think that the odds of us getting a positive on tomorrows blood test are about as good as me winning the lottery (when I don't buy a ticket). I'm not proud to admit this, but this prompted me to provoke an argument. I couldn't stop myself. I said things I didn't even know I was feeling. Worse, I said things I didn't even mean (like "I don't care if you're pregnant") Of course I care. It's why I got so upset. 

Meg left for work and I felt terrible.

I took a ride to see her on her lunch break (and to apologize in person). On the way home I found a cd I made for our 5 year anniversary. As I listened to all of the songs that reminded me of Meg, I started to cry (not because I felt sad, but because I realized how fortunate I truly am)

The truth is that I underestimated the emotional toll TTC (trying to conceive) would put on my body (and my heart). Instead of spending time with Meg and talking about how frustrated I was becoming, I spent countless hours on the computer researching and analyzing symptoms. 

While it helped to read the stories of women who got BFP, I've now come to the conclusion that unless you see two pink lines, it's not a sign of pregnancy. Convinced we will be facing another TWW in August, I'm making a promise to myself (and to Megan) to live in the moment and not worry about every little "symptom." 

Come what may...

Monday, July 18, 2011

Hopefully Pessimistic

Today is day 12 and you've guessed it...another BFN. I don't know what to think anymore. I actually thought this time was different. Not because Meg had all of the pregnancy "symptoms," but because she didn't. 

When you want something so bad, it's only natural to exaggerate every feeling you have/think you have. The tww really messes with your head, but I can honestly say that there was never a time where I thought Meg could be making it up. 

The "symptoms" she had were legit (things you could see and couldn't fabricate-mainly talking about the CM, here) I know it's not over until she gets AF, but it's so hard to stay positive.

The truth is, I would do anything to make that test come back positive (I'm sure Megan would too) but there's nothing we can do...except wait.

Megan is being cautiously optimistic. I've decided to take the stance of a hopeful pessimist. Call it what you want. We're both trying to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, but there is still a very dim light at the end of the tunnel.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Not So Crabby

Despite getting another BFN (big fat negative) this morning, Meg and I were able to enjoy today's crabbing trip.

We packed lunches and drove to Belmar, NJ with my Papa, my cousin Lauren and her friend, Seamus. We boarded the boat a little after 11:30 and didn't get home until after 5!

Meg was a little apprehensive (she was worried she would get seasick), but she did great. She had such a great time. She even put the bait on her own lines (gross, right?) and caught about 20 of the 30 crabs!!! (beginners luck!)

We took a boat ride on the ocean. I almost died (not really, but I did wipe out and fall to the bottom of the boat...twice!) Meg couldn't stop laughing.

Papa threw down the anchor so we could all go for a swim. Naturally, I freaked out (it was really shallow and I didn't want to touch the bottom!!!) BUT, it was fun.

We crabbed some more before heading home. Meg was netting crabs left and right and the all of the sudden I heard something. I turned around and she was in the water. SHE FELL OVERBOARD!!! Fortunately, she didn't get hurt! (go ahead...you can laugh. we did!)

All in all, I'd say we had a pretty good day. It was good to get away and get out of our heads for a couple of hours.

Of course, it only lasted until we got back into the car to come home and Meg told me she was having cramps. I'm hoping it doesn't mean AF ("aunt flow") is on her way.

We bought more pregnancy tests and will test again tomorrow. Cross your fingers...

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Another Disappointment

Meg took another pregnancy test this morning. It was negative. I don't know whether I'm sad or angry. I know it's only day 10, but I'm feeling a sense of deja vu.

Losing hope.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Clueless

Meg took a pregnancy test last night and it was negative. I wasn't surprised. It would have been really early to test positive (though it does happen for some lucky people).

Surprisingly Meg handled it well. We went out with friends to see Harry Potter (it was phenomenal!) We didn't get home until after 3, so we both decided that it wasn't worth testing again this morning. We agreed to hold off until tomorrow. I don't know why, but I have a feeling that she will still test negative (I hope I'm wrong)

The belly ache/pain is gone. She took some tylenol last night and it seemed to do the trick. I'm not sure what that means.

She's resting now and doesn't seem to be complaining of any "symptoms." Go figure. It's 9dpiui and we are absolutely clueless. I mean at least last time we had symptoms (from the progesterone) to make us think she was pregnant.

Still crossing our fingers...

Thursday, July 14, 2011

If My Life Were A Movie...

If my life were a movie Meg and I would already be dancing to "This Will Be.." (while staring at a positive pregnancy test).

Don't judge. I know what you're thinking. You're probably saying, "Really? That's what your movie would be? Kind of lame, Jen."

But the truth is that ever since Meg and I got together I've dreamt that our moment would be like Ellen's and Sharon Stone's in If These Walls Could Talk 2. You know, the kind of moment where you're filled with so much joy that you don't know whether you should laugh or cry (or just dance!)

It's 8dpiui and Meg and I find ourselves getting closer and closer to taking a pregnancy test and I am absolutely terrified. Life isn't a movie. There are no guarantees. We've justified every "symptom" and the stomach pain that Meg has felt for the last three days could be just indigestion or a virus. We just don't know.

There's a part of me that thinks this is it, but then I worry what if it isn't? How many times will Meg want to go through this?

She has been acting like a "Negative Nancy" since day 1. She gets teary eyed and emphatically says, "I'm not pregnant." (I know it's just because she has her hopes up and doesn't want to be disappointed again)

There is nothing either of us can do to change the outcome. We just have to cross our fingers and hope for a miracle.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

What People Don't Tell You About the TWW

Today is 7dpiui (7 days post IUI) which means we're half way through the two week wait!

There are tons of ideas on the internet about how to survive the two week wait. You can: write in a journal (or blog), go to the movies, shop, go out to dinner, hang out with friends, clean, brainstorm baby names, garden, take the dogs for walks, read, etc. The goal is to find something you enjoy that will keep you busy (and sane).

While these activities make it sound as though the TWW is a joyous time, the truth is that the TWW is post ovulation limbo. It's hell. You try to tell yourself not to think about it, but it's useless. (consciously ignoring it actually forces you to think about it MORE!)

If you're like me, you'll assume the role of obsessor, analyzer, researcher, and comedian. You'll spend 90% of your free time googling cervical mucus, implantation bleeding, and signs of early pregnancy. The other 10% will be spent questioning your partner about how she is feeling (desperately hoping for another "symptom" to research!) You'll also want to take care of her. After all, she could be carrying your child.

If you are the one who is lucky enough to have had the pleasure of a speculum inserted inside you, you'll most likely become a hormonal mess (pregnant or not). You'll cry over the smallest things and laugh 3 seconds later. You'll become obsessed with the idea of taking a HPT. You'll look at the toilet paper after wiping (secretly hoping to see a sign of implantation bleeding). You'll start checking out clothes in the maternity section (even if just from a distance). You'll feel your boobs throughout the day to see if they are tender and stop at nothing to convince yourself that every cramp, pain, or twinge is a sign that you are pregnant.

Not my Megan, though. She's so afraid to get her hopes up again that she has actually convinced herself that she is not pregnant. (She's even trying to justify the brown CM she saw yesterday...gross, I know).

I don't blame her though. The TWW is an emotional roller coaster with potential for devastation. Just remember that "It is better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all."

Baby Dust!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Fight or Flight

While driving Meg to work this morning Meg and I got into a heated conversation (she claimed we were fighting, but I beg to differ).

Anyhow, this is my attempt to recreate the conversation...LOL, I'm still laughing!

Me: You know how people take pictures of their bellies when they're pregnant and post them on facebook?

Meg: Yea?

Me: It's weird when they take pictures before they're even showing

Meg: (silent)

Me: What are you thinking?

Meg: I'm thinking that I don't want to do that

Me: Why?

Meg: Because it's none of their business. Our friends will see my belly in person

Me: Why wouldn't you want people to see it? Are you afraid of people finding out you're pregnant? Because they will find out!

Meg: No. It's just that our society revolves around technology and if they're our friends then we will hang out. People are too busy texting and using facebook that they don't even pick up the phone anymore. I don't want to be like that.

Me: Okay, so when you said we needed an Iphone to immediately download pictures of our baby to facebook when he/she is born, you didn't really mean it? The Iphone is totally off the table.

Meg: You can't tell me the Iphone is off the table. I'm an adult. I can buy whatever I want.

Me: I'm not telling you what you can and can't do. You have so many quirks.

Meg: And you're just perfect.

Me: No, I mean when you think I'm telling you that you can't do something you get all defensive.

Meg: (starting to raise her voice) Stop yelling at me

Me: (laughing) I'm not yelling at you. You're yelling at me. I would say sorry, but you're too upset. You're too much in the front of your brain to even realize I'm apologizing.

Meg: You mean in the back of your brain.

Me: No, I mean in the front (cracking up). You're just wrong

Meg: The front of the brain is where you want to be. That's what we teach the kids. Call Andrea. She knows!

Me: Well, fine! You're in the back and need to get in the front! (laughing uncontrollably)

Meg: Why are you laughing?

Me: Because after 8 years we know how to push each other's buttons and this is the dumbest conversation ever. You know that you're going to call me in an hour and say you're sorry and that you love me.

Meg: (less than 2 minutes later) I'm sorry. I love you.

Me: (laughing again) You didn't even make it an hour!

Meg: (CRYING)

Me: Why are you crying? (laughing harder)

Meg: Stop laughing at me!

Me: I'm not laughing at you. I just don't understand why you're crying!

Meg: I feel sad.

Me: Why?

Meg: I don't know.

Me: (still laughing) Maybe if you were laughing with me you wouldn't feel so sad!

In case you're wondering who was right...Meg was. When we get mad we go into "Fight or Flight" mode. The "fight or flight" mode is our body's primitive, automatic, response that prepares our bodies for a perceived attack, harm or threat to our survival. By its very nature, the response bypasses our rational thought (the front of our brain) This concludes today's psychology/anatomy lesson. 

We're 6dpiui (6 days post IUI) and one thing is for sure...hormones are raging! The verdict is out as to whether they are an early sign of pregnancy or from an impending "aunt flow."

On another note, I packed the chicken that "had a weird consistency" for lunch again. This time I put it in a separate baggie as to protect it from getting wet from the lettuce (I figured this was the problem). Meg just text me to say it was disgusting and still had a weird consistency..She threw it out.

I just walked into the kitchen and tried it. It tastes fine!

Monday, July 11, 2011

To be or not to be (pregnant)

Today is 5dpiui (5 days post IUI) and we're starting to notice "symptoms." It's exciting because I finally have something to write about, BUT we've been through this once before, so we're not getting excited. Instead, I'm going to attempt to rationalize each "symptom" in hopes of preserving my sanity (and Meg's too!)

5. Tired- We spent the weekend at the beach and stayed up late (This means nothing!)

4. Mood swings/irritable-I may have said PMS="putting up with Megan's shit." LOL, I thought it was clever. I then continued to instigate her. She clearly asked me not to touch her and I made up reasons in the grocery store to touch her back, shoulder, arm, etc. (Totally my fault!)

3. Stomach pains/ gassy-This could be a result of eating gelato before bed

2. Empty stomach feeling- She claimed that the rotisserie chicken had a "weird consistency" so she didn't eat all of it on top of her salad (She's obviously still hungry)

And the last one is not for the faint hearted (it grosses me out to even write about, so consider yourself forewarned)...





1. Change in cervical mucus- I had to do some research here...

Turns out that cervical mucus can be an early sign of pregnancy, BUT it's not a reliable indicator as it varies from woman to woman (I guess we'll just have to keep an eye on it).

*Bonus* Sense of smell- Meg walked into her classroom and asked if a kid was pooping. Her other two coworkers (who were sitting in the room) answered no, but Meg insisted that someone was pooping. Needless to say, Meg was right. My explanation is that the two coworkers were sitting amongst the disgustingness for too long and therefore were unable to notice a change in smell..yuck!

I'm definitely not convinced that she is pregnant, but time will tell...

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Marathon, anyone???

We're 4 days post IUI today and still have nothing to report, so I figured I should tell you about how we're passing the time.

Today we went to the Plymouth Meeting Mall and did some shopping. We even stopped to take pictures at one of those photo booths. We then had lunch at Whole Foods with an old friend and my god-daughter. It was great! (laughing helped take our minds off of the TWW!)

When we finished eating Meg and I did some grocery shopping. We bought fresh pasta (stuffed rigatoni) and sauce (marinara-for Meg, vodka- for me) and garlic bread. We're going to make dinner together tomorrow night!

As for the rest of today, I think we have our hands full with the Harry Potter Marathon on TV! We can't wait to see the midnight movie this Thursday!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Secretly obsessing...

We're two days post insemination (2dpiui) and have nothing fun to report (This is probably a good thing seeing that last time we experienced every "symptom" under the sun)

Meg did say she had a few cramps here and there (but only after reading other blogs and really thinking about it) Overall, she is feeling great.

We've been trying to keep busy. We've pretty much managed to schedule something for every day/night of our two week wait.

Today we went to the beach. The ocean was filled with jelly fish. Naturally, I freaked out! I got pounded by giant waves and complained about becoming a human crouton in the seaweed salad. I even wrapped my arms around Meg's belly, so as to float on top of the water and not get pinched by crabs...don't laugh...it was scary!

As much as I promised that I wouldn't do it, I'm secretly starting to obsess.  I keep asking Meg how she is feeling (secretly hoping she will tell me a "symptom" that I can go research).

I've come to the conclusion that it is impossible to remain immune to the hope and fear that come with the two week wait.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Networking...

I found a site that might be useful to those of you whom are trying to conceive, thinking about conceiving, or are interested in what the process entails (for future reference).

I even figured out how to link this blog to my baby center profile (getting pretty savvy, right?)

Enjoy!

GLBT Fertility (baby center)

We could have been famous!

Meg and I started watching the Real L Word Season 2 last night. The show follows a group of successful, attractive Los Angeles lesbians. Two of which, Kacy & Cori, are trying to conceive. Kacy & Cori have been together for 5 years, and legally married for two. The first episode portrays the girls charting Cori's ovulation and contacting an old friend as a potential sperm donor. Inevitably the two are disappointed when he retracts his offer. The season will continue to follow Kacy & Cori as they search for a donor, a doctor, a lawyer, and plan for insemination.

We're really excited to watch, but Meg can't hold back her emotions as the couple has stolen our mojo! We should have been on that show!

I guess we'll just have to settle for the fame and fortune obtained from this blog. lol.

Sidenote, Meg had less cramping yesterday and feels great this morning!

Here is a picture of Cori & Kacy...(The Real L Word Season 2 airs on Sundays at 10:00pm on Showtime)


Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Insemination Day: Take Two

When we first arrived, Meg signed in. A few minutes later, the nurse called Megan's name and asked if she was having an IUI. She asked if our sample was in the office. (I started to freak out.) We told her it was shipped and she went back to check. She came back a minute later and said it was thawing. What a relief!!!

We waited in the waiting room for roughly 30 minutes. We were focused on our brain puzzle book, so it went by quickly!!! When we were finally called back to the room, I took pictures and Meg assumed her position on the table. I kept saying, "This is it. Don't get scared now" (from Home Alone) and Meg threatened to kill me! LOL!

The doctor came in and said our guy's sperm count looked fantastic (I asked if they said that to everyone. Turns out, they don't!) A sperm count between 20-30 million is typically ideal, while a poor sample would be less than 20 million and 10% motility. Our donor's count was 50 million and 40% motility!!! 50 million is an insane about of sperm! I can't believe that it doesn't guarantee a pregnancy. I mean, it only takes 1!!!

Meg did really well this time. The speculum hurt her, but we talked about our plans for the beach this weekend and before we knew it the doctor was finished. The entire procedure took less than 5 minutes! (I took pictures of the clock to document!)

Meg relaxed on the table for 10 minutes. You'd be happy to know that I didn't cry this time.

We paid our co-pay, scheduled the pregnancy test for July 20th, and walked out like it was just another day.

We went out for breakfast afterwards and have now settled down on the couch. I made Meg put her feet up. (The sperm was inserted into her cervix and won't spill out, but we need all the help we can get!!!)

We're definitely more relaxed this time around. Don't get me wrong, I'm unbelievably excited that this could be "the one", but I think we have come to the realization that if it doesn't work this time, we'll try again next month!

We're hoping we can keep this attitude throughout the next two weeks. The REAL FUN starts right now!

Before 

The goods

The enemy (a drawer filled with speculums)

the table

Right before the doctor came in

A little anxious!

She was going to kill me if I didn't stop trying to take pictures (she even told me so!)


IUI complete

Time to relax

Notice her legs are propped up!!!

Sticky Thoughts...

We're almost ready to leave for the doctors.  Meg is feeling nervous (about the doctor inserting the speculum not about potentially getting pregnant). I told her she just needs to squeeze my hand and breathe. Hopefully the doctor will help her relax. The last thing I want is to visit the ER for a broken finger!

I feel more calm this time around. Actually, I'd go so far as to say I'm not nervous at all.

I have a good feeling. This cycle has shaped up to be as perfect as we could have ever dreamt it to be. There is nothing left to do except hope that one of our donor's swimmers fights hard enough to stick to the egg and implant.

Meg and I have vowed not to be as obsessed during this two week wait. We're going to try to stay busy and make plans with as many friends as possible. Anyone want to volunteer to help keep us sane???

Well, it's about that time...cross your fingers, toes, eyes, legs, arms and send sticky thoughts our way!!!!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Game Time

The doctor just called. Turns out I was right!!! Meg's estrogen was 255 and we inseminate tomorrow!!! It's game time, baby! (and we always play to win!)

Our appointment is at 7:30. We are traveling to the Willow Grove office so that Dr. Castelbaum (the doctor who said we are anomalies for lesbian patients!!!) can perform the procedure. We won't inseminate until after 8 because we will have to wait 30 minutes for the sperm to thaw and wake up.

During this time Meg and I will solve brain puzzles (they're hidden pictures!) as to reduce my urge to pace like a caged lion.

Wish us luck!!!!!

To Win the Game...

Meg and I went back to the doctor today (Day 13 of Meg's cycle). The doctor told us last cycle that in order to "win the game" Meg would need to have a uterine lining higher than 7, an egg larger than 20mm, and an estrogen level above 200.

Needless to say, we were hoping for a big egg and some signs of ovulation.

I had butterflies sitting in the waiting room. It seems like it took forever to get back to this point. Meg said it went fast. I think it's just because she controls her anxiety better than I do. (I was dancing to "This is how we do it" by Montell Jordan while she was getting her blood drawn.)

Seriously though, we were both hoping that we didn't have a repeat of last cycle where we had to go back and forth to the doctors anxiously awaiting the arrival of ovulation.

By the looks of it, it doesn't seem like that will be the case. Meg's uterine lining was at 14. Her egg was 22mm. We're still waiting on the estrogen levels, but it's looking like we will inseminate tomorrow or Thursday.

I'm going with tomorrow. Meg thinks Thursday. What do you think???

The ultrasound machine and monitor

Looking like a true champion!

Quick picture before the doctor came in...